


I'll Stay With You

by Adlyn



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Caring Merlin (Merlin), Clotpoles in love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I can't believe that's not a tag, Idiots in Love, It crushed my heart, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Or it could be platonic? If you really want, Post-Canon, merlin has nightmares, please just let them be happy, this was my quarantine binge and oh boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:20:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adlyn/pseuds/Adlyn
Summary: Arthur had spent so much of his life fighting. Indeed, he had died-over a thousand years ago, he reminded himself- while on the battlefield. Dangerous things were just drawn to him. The universe had probably stuck a “Kick me” sign on his back that was only visible to violent beings.What he would give to be attacked again, to have his sword in his hand and cut through the enemies in front of him.But it wasn’t that simple with Merlin. It never was.----------Shortly after Arthur's return, Merlin has nightmares.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 210





	I'll Stay With You

Arthur had spent so much of his life fighting. Indeed, he had died- _over a thousand years ago_ , he reminded himself- while on the battlefield. Dangerous things were just drawn to him. The universe had probably stuck a “Kick me” sign on his back that was only visible to violent beings.

Needless to say, he had grown accustomed to combat.

Next to him, Merlin whined.

“You're safe,” Arthur whispered.

What he would give to be attacked again, to have his sword in his hand and cut through the enemies in front of him. 

But it wasn’t that simple with Merlin. It never was. 

Arthur brushed back Merlin’s hair. His forehead was sweaty, and his fingertips twitched as he slept. What was he imagining this time? A burning stake? No, probably not, knowing Merlin. If he dreamt of death, it was always Arthur’s. 

A bitterness entered Arthur’s mouth. His death was a touchy subject for them both. Arthur had only been back for a fortnight, and the whole thing still seemed like a dream; the moving machines, the chirping boxes, the land stuffed with buildings and roads with no farmland for miles around. And Merlin. Merlin, who had waited impossibly long for Arthur to get out of that damned lake. Merlin, who was the only thing familiar in this world, but was just so _different_ occasionally that it struck Arthur like a whip across his back.

“Arthur,” Merlin cried, and there- _there_ was that feeling. Merlin was pleading, voice cracking with desperation. Arthur caught the panic that had gathered in his throat and turned it into something softer.

“I’m here,” Arthur took Merlin’s hand.

Desperately, Arthur wanted to wake Merlin up. That’s what he had done, the first week. They were both too stubborn to let the other sleep on the couch, so they found themselves next to each other in the night. Not like it was much of a stretch from what they had done while traveling back in Camelot, but Arthur quickly discovered why Merlin was so hesitant to sleep next to him. It was heart-wrenching, the tortured look that his face took when he had nightmares. Arthur pulled him out of it immediately, but it left Merlin not quite there and silent, which was even more frightening. He would take hours to sleep after being pulled out, if he went back to sleep at all, and soon both of them had dark bags under their eyes.

It took some convincing, but Merlin got Arthur to agree to let him sleep through it, even through the worse ones.

“Better to just get it over with,” Merlin had said. He had smiled, but not really.

Merlin was really squeezing his hand now. It must have been a bad one.

“I’m alive,” Arthur breathed, reassuring them both. “I’m safe. I’m right next to you, Merlin, and we’re both okay. I promise.”

Merlin’s grip didn’t let up, but he had become less vocal. That was hopefully a good sign.

While the moon rose higher, Arthur continued to talk to Merlin. At first, it was the same little reassurances, but it slowly morphed into their regular banter, laced with affection.

“I spilled tea yesterday morning while you were out. And no, I’m not a cabbage-head, because I cleaned it up so well you didn’t even notice it when you came back.”

“I’m not a prat, you know. I complimented that awful woman you call ‘landlady’, even though I’m not quite sure she deserves to be called ‘lady’.”

“I wonder why you didn’t make clotpole a popular word. You certainly could have, if you just brought it up as annoyingly often as you did back in Camelot.”

Merlin stirred a bit, mumbling under his breath. Arthur went to put his hand on his forehead, but pulled back when he saw Merlin’s eyes open.

“Oh,” Arthur apologized, “I probably should have talked quieter.”

“It’s alright,” Merlin sat up in their bed, not quite looking at Arthur. He needed space, then.

In the dark of the night, Arthur couldn’t see the clock, but he knew it was late. This new world was rarely still nor silent, but it was calm outside their window. Arthur could’ve pretended they were in his old chambers if he just closed his eyes. How different his life would have been, if he and Merlin had been this close in Camelot.

“Because it was our word.” Merlin whispered.

Arthur turned his face toward him. “What?” 

“I didn’t make clotpole a popular word because it was _our_ word,” Merlin’s hands played with their blanket. “It felt weird, using it with other people.”

“Oh,” Arthur said and paused for a moment. “It’s _still_ our word, clotpole.”

Merlin glanced at him quickly then chuckled after a moment. “I suppose you’re right, Clotpole #2.”

“I am the king, _Mer_ lin. I get to be Clotpole #1.”

“Of course, sire.” Merlin’s voice dripped with the same sarcasm it had within Camelot’s borders. “Or should I say, Your Majesty, Clotpole #1.”

They broke down laughing, the joke made funnier by the late hour. Their relationship was always full of humor, and Arthur was elated by the familiarity of it- Merlin’s dislike of titles, his cutting sarcasm, his laughter bubbling from him. This is what kept him sane, Arthur decided.

But he had to do his part to keep Merlin sane as well. After they calmed down-which took longer than it probably should have- Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Tell me about your nightmare?”

Merlin didn’t, usually. When he did, it was only when it followed him into the waking hours, when even the sight of their bed and Arthur in it did not pull him from the terrible things his mind saw.

“Nothing too bad,” Merlin sighed. “The usual.”

The comment stung Arthur. Things like that should not be marked as usual. But then again, Arthur reminded himself, neither was Merlin. In another life, Merlin was his magical servant, the secret protector of the kingdom. Well, it wasn’t another life, really; Merlin had never died like Arthur. He had lived, seen the world morph from creature to creature, from one abomination to the next. He had endured more battles than Arthur had, had seen more horrors than Arthur had seen. And he had done it all alone.

Arthur’s throat tightened.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur whispered. He felt his eyes get misty. This was a new thing too, the guilt that tore his heart apart.

Instantly, Merlin’s hand was on his cheek, his thumb making slow circles. “No. None of this is your fault, Arthur.”

“But it just-if I had been a better king, you could have told me about your magic sooner and defeated Morgana sooner, or-or we could have _saved_ her and Mordred, too, and all the sorcerers that my father-”

“ _No_ ,” Arthur’s mouth snapped shut. “You can’t think that way, Arthur. You did the best you could have done, and you are a _great_ king. You’ve always done what you thought to be right, you’ve always been unafraid to-”

“Were,” Arthur quietly interrupted. “We both know I am a king no longer.”

They both fell into silence. All his life, Arthur had trained to become king, to rule his people, and now...Camelot was gone and Albion was far from what it used to be. As much as it pained Arthur, he knew the world didn’t need him. He had no people, no kingdom, no throne. King would never be something he would be able to claim, not anymore.

Merlin’s hand lifted up Arthur’s face. He waited to speak until their eyes met.

“I am a citizen of Camelot. You are _my_ king.”

This was a Merlin Arthur had seen before, but it still surprised him. This Merlin had such a strong belief in Arthur’s character that it left Arthur wondering what in his life he had done to deserve such devotion. Nothing, he concluded. He had done nothing in his life to deserve Merlin, but nothing in this world would tear him away.

“Thank you,” Arthur covered Merlin’s hand with his own. “Though I should be the one comforting you. You just woke up from a nightmare, and here I am, wallowing in self-pity. Isn’t exactly fair of me.”

“Nothing in our lives has been fair,” Merlin murmured. In the darkened room, he looked painfully weathered by life. “But we got a second chance. You and me, together.”

“Clotpole #1 and Clotpole #2.” Arthur smiled.

Then they were laughing again, foreheads knocking together. Arthur felt like the earth right before spring came to Camelot, light and buzzing in anticipation for the blooming flowers and birdsong.

_Let us stay like this forever_ , Arthur thought to the stars. _You owe us this, after everything that’s happened._

“Stay with me.” Those were the words Merlin spoke to him, coated in anguish and pain. Those were the last words Arthur heard before he died.

_You owe_ him _this_.

They drifted back to sleep a bit later, pressed as closely as they could be. Arthur wasn’t able to fulfill Merlin’s request back then, but Merlin was right. They had a second chance. Arthur would wield his sword again, would fight any enemy, would face any horror that this new, strange world had to offer, but he wouldn’t let them be torn apart anytime soon. 

_I’ll stay with you._


End file.
